A friend told me about being “California Sober” (no alcohol, no hard drugs), which is a really funny term, but let’s be real: I’m not sober anymore.
This is the first blogpost that’s one day late. Not because I was too fucked up to write, but because I did not want to publicly talk about this.
To be honest, I still don’t.
I am simply not sure how to discuss this topic and I do not want to publish something I am not comfortable with. In the long run, I would like to write something about drug abuse and creative work. It’s an interestening topic. But right now I am not equipped to do it justice.
Please be assured that I am, generally, well. I am not in any danger or emergency. I am functional and my appartement is clean. It takes a long time of this type of non-sobriety to make things really bad for me.
I have been too eager to publicly discuss this topic. There are parts of it that I need to deal with on my own, without too many people looking over my shoulder. Like, right now, I feel compelled to tell you that, hey, at least I quit smoking cigarettes! That’s something, right? Right?!
And, right now, I feel compelled to explain that, hey, it’s not so bad, everyone smokes up once in a while, like, come on. (And to some extend I really do believe that. But to what extent? Am I just justifying myself?)
Basically, I do not want this blog to become a chronicle of my struggle with long-term sobriety, full of excuses and resolutions and pre-mature celebrations and evasive maneuvers. This was supposed to be about making games, which has actually been going pretty well.
I’ve written some first dialogue for the text game I mentioned last week. Worldbuilding (very little, don’t worry) has been happening. The plot-outline and narrative rhythm is taking shape. There is a sketch for a DSL. I’ve also done some promising tests with Bullet Pond. Things have been happening.
But how do I want to talk about them? For the last few weeks, I have mainly written about how I (would like to) work, never really going deep into details about the work, or the ideas behind the work, itself.
I think it’s time to change that.
Even if I am just buying myself some time before writing about weed.