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28.10.2022

producing PRODUCER 2021

12 - the week of the cap'n

A couple of things have happened immediately after writing last weeks post:

• I realised that the intended release date overlapped with something that would overshadow all potential momentum PRODUCER might have.
• This forced me to pull the release date forward by some weeks.
• This made me so scared that I worked on the weekend, preparing for the 2nd playtest.
• This drained all my energy reserves, so even thought the 2nd playtest went super well, I was unable to keep any momentum going.
• This exhaustion caused me to eat more, move less and wake up later than usual.
• This made me question what I was even doing, this is all a waste of time, etc etc

There’s a pretty straight line here, from LACK OF PLANNING directly to EXISTENTIAL CRISIS, but it’s not only that. I also kind of overshot 2 weeks ago. I enjoyed working so much that I didn’t realise I was tapping into my energy reserves, which led to the kind of exhausted last week and the inability to control the panic, crunch and consequent despair of this week.

I’m fine now, but it’s always a struggle to take that crucial step back and admit that you fucked up, that you are going about things in an unhealthy way. The impulse of “I can fix this by just breaking myself even more and THEN I can relax” is strong.

But fuck that. The main priority from here on out is to make sure that I don’t loose control like this again. The game is not going to suddenly become perfect just because I didn’t take the breaks I need.

On a larger scale, this weeks downward spiral indicates the need for a lot more planning and pre-production and that kind of stuff. Which is, of course, boring as fuck.

Cheers, josh

PRODUCER 2021 on Steam

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