A couple of things have happened immediately after writing last weeks post:
There’s a pretty straight line here, from LACK OF PLANNING directly to EXISTENTIAL CRISIS, but it’s not only that. I also kind of overshot 2 weeks ago. I enjoyed working so much that I didn’t realise I was tapping into my energy reserves, which led to the kind of exhausted last week and the inability to control the panic, crunch and consequent despair of this week.
I’m fine now, but it’s always a struggle to take that crucial step back and admit that you fucked up, that you are going about things in an unhealthy way. The impulse of “I can fix this by just breaking myself even more and THEN I can relax” is strong.
But fuck that. The main priority from here on out is to make sure that I don’t loose control like this again. The game is not going to suddenly become perfect just because I didn’t take the breaks I need.
On a larger scale, this weeks downward spiral indicates the need for a lot more planning and pre-production and that kind of stuff. Which is, of course, boring as fuck.